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What I did on my super-extended summer vacation.
I've taken a long break from writing anything new for this site. "Why"? You might be asking your computer screen... Well, it's because I'm a very, very, very lazy person. That's simple enough.
Just because I wasn't on here, writing the awesomest blog in the world, doesn't mean that I wasn't using my time to do other amazing things. Would you believe that I found the cure for blindness? I didn't, but did anyone buy it?
What I actually spent my time doing was a lot more important than that, anyway. I'll list them in order of importance:
1. Went to a bachelor party and gave money to exotic dancers.
2. Went to another bachelor party and gave more money to exotic dancers.
3. Went to one more bachelor party and gave the rest of my money to exotic dancers.
4. Went to Montreal and there may have been exotic dancers there, but I'm not allowed to tell those stories. Anywhere. Ever.
5. Went to some weddings that were associated with the bachelor parties listed above.
Seriously, I've spent way too much money on strippers. It's just so hard not to. I was already at the club for my friends' bachelor parties. Then these somewhat attractive women take all of their clothes off and the money just starts hopping straight out of my pockets. It doesn't help that I was downing about a gallon of Captain Morgan each time.
I have a very scientific eqaution to explain this whole phenomenon...
Alcohol + Boobs + Cotton Candy Body Spray = Broke
Just a tip to all the guys out there: Every stripper wears cotton candy body spray.
If you happen to get a whiff of a carnival sugar treat, run like the wind. It'll save you a lot of cash.
This summer, just about everyone that I know got married. Those who didn't had a child. I'm starting to feel very old. I don't want to feel old. So, I plead with any friends that read this to break up with your significant other and push any babies coming out of birth canals back into their moms. Stop making my years pass by faster than they need to.
Went to Montreal in July. It was a blast.
Everything was in french and there are strip clubs every two steps.
The locals were extremely nice to myself and my friends. The first thing we did when we arrived was walk the city and find a place to hang out. We ended up at Foufounes Electrique(Their site's in french. Here's the MySpace.)
Foufs houses an array of people. They range from skinheads to preps. Everyone lives in harmony there. Not only that, but the drinks can be dirt cheap. While we were there, we didn't realize how much history the place held. Some call it the Canadian CBGB. If you ever go to Montreal, ask about it.
If you do ever go, be prepared to avoid the droves of homeless people. They are on every street and they're not right in the head. Gave money to a couple. Others were really pissed when you passed them by. I guess that you have to expect that in any big city.
Another tip: To avoid a slew of homeless in Montreal, avoid church lawns. The congregate there all hours of the day and night. Just cross the street whenever you see a holy cross.
On a non-summer note...
The Red Sox won the World Series!!! Couldn't be happier.
That's pretty much everything that I've been up to. If I think anything, I'll update this.
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