killerik - Why the hell not?

I'm quite trendy and I'm about to prove it. I'm not sure if this means that I'm with the times, or just some kind of wannabe. Either way, I'm riding the wave of modernness.

First off. I have a cell phone. Not just any cell phone, but a Motorola Razr v3i.
Now I can make phone calls in style. I hear that Paris Hilton has one. So, it must be the coolest thing ever(and have herpes).

I have an Ipod Nano.
It's so small that I'm surprised that I haven't lost it yet. Not that the police couldn't figure out that it was mine. It has my greasy, very visible fingerprints over ever nanometer of it. CSI would have a field day.

Probably my favorite trendy item is my Xbox 360. Its sleek, white, sexy form leave me breathless. Not to mention the games. Because it's not about the status symbol. It's about actually using the device. Right?

What would my 360 be without my HDTV? No modern entertainment center is complete without one. At least that's what the very honest salesman told me. Why would he lie?

Any self-respecting TV owner needs a Tivo. Something needs to record your favorite shows while you admire all of the great gadgets you have lying around. Fast forwarding allows you to get back to them sooner, as well.

Sadly, all of my tech-toys have left me with a negative balance in my bank account. Which will help me with at least one of my "Trends To-Do's".

Trends To-Do List:
1. Hybrid Car
2. Anorexia
3. Drug Addiction(Preferably Meth)
4. Robotic Family
5. Laser Beam Eyeballs
6. Blog

Posted by Erik at 2:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (10) | TrackBacks (0)

I had some chinese food yesterday. As everyone knows, when you get chinese food, you get a fortune cookie. Unless, of course, you get your take out from the "China Fun" down the road. In that case you get a full handfull of cookies. Maybe they just couldn't pick which prediction was the right fit for me? Anyway...

So, I get my fortune cookie and crack that sucker open. What do I get?

"Avert misunderstandings by calm, poise and balance."

That's not a fortune. That's advice you get from your senile dad. I don't need this crap.

I don't accept this fortune. I call shenanigans.

I'm going to let you all in on a little secret about these tasteless pieces of cardboard that they somehow mold into the shape of a cleft-palatted clam. If you don't eat the actual cookie, your fortune doesn't stick.

You have to consume the soul of your cookie to obtain its magical powers. It's simple science.

My bland, pretentious, all-knowing "cookie" is now sitting in the trash.

I win!

Posted by Erik at 10:48 AM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

When you're a guy you have to be really careful about everything you do. One mistake and you get a horrible nickname, and ridicule for life.

You may have the best friends in the world, but they won't hesitate to call you "Stinkfinger" in public. I'm about to help you avoid a situation where you just might(absolutely) aquire one hell of a handle.

Don't ever get caught eating this product:

That's right. It says "Poppycock". But the worst part is that it's "Poppycock - Just the Nuts". That's raises the bar by a factor of 100. I didn't even calculate in the part about it being the "Deluxe Nut Mix". This product is one landmine after another.

Steer clear of "Just the Nuts". Even if this is the greatest food ever brought to market, it isn't worth the years of namecalling and telephone calls that reference your love of "Just the Nuts".

I don't care if this food cures cancer, or gives me rock hard abs. It's staying on that store shelf until those nuts go rancid.

You're welcome, Poppycock.

Posted by Erik at 1:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)